Silent Night

Hi, it’s me blogging again in the middle of the night with all lights on. Christmas songs playing at the background just made me having the mood to blog now. Am I sounded emo? I do feel a little cause everyone seems celebrating Christmas out there and I'm AGAIN..'home alone'. A friend of mine asked me why I am not going out and I replied 'No one ask me out.' Then he asked back, 'Why don't you ask someone out?' I was like..huh..who shall I ask? At that moment I was thinking maybe I don't have as many friends as I thought. That's mainly my problem. I don't know how to maintain friendship that's why friends around me 'disappeared'. Counting the number of close friends I am having...Surprisingly, the number does not exceed the number of my fingers. Maybe I should learn from those with bunch of buddies. Learn how they actually can keep so many close friends. Ohya..most of them uses MSN and on FB all the time. Maybe this is how they keep in touch with most of their buddies. It's been quite a long time since the last time I chat on MSN. I bet if I sign in now, no one on my list will send me a message. I guess it’s time for me to make a move. I shall participate more in social-ing and I'll get back most of my friends. Maybe it’s just a matter of time.

Anyway, I wish everyone MERRY CHRISTMAS ^^

Tonight

It has been almost 2 months since my study break started..

We haven't really talk like usual.

Sometimes I am wondering what's going on...

What makes us talk less?

I never thought that distance is a problem,

and I absolutely trusted you.

But why is this happening?

I really don't know...

The way I feel is as if I am losing something.

I do admit that sometimes not talking is better

Cause sometimes talking can end up with tears.

I tried hard to mend the problem.

But it doesn't seems to work..

I hope you've tried too..

And I hope you can do it better than me.

I am thinking...

Thinking for millions of reasons for the problem.

But I couldn't find one.

Or maybe...

I wish I never find one.

Maybe...

I am thinking and wondering too much at this late night.

I hope a little bit more communication will make everything better.

Good night.

Hi

Dunno what to blog.. Just wanna say hi to everybody!

Finally home

My head was spinning since my end of semester exam started. Until today I am still experiencing some confusion. I think I need to sleep for more than 8 hours per day for at least one week to gain back my full energy! Which means that tomorrow I am not going to wake up before 9am. After wake up I'll eat, sleep, watch tv, and eat again. This is the only way to gain back my strength..LOL..You can call me a pig just like what my mom always call me, but who cares, this is how it should be when I am home. This is what makes home so great. And also makes my weight to gain I guess.haha But I think it's worth as long as I can stay at home. Oh..no..I gotta stop typing..I'll update u guys soon if im not lazy..good night^^

Updates

What a busy semester..BUSY GOING HOME!! LOL

Actually I don't really know what am I doing in this sem.

I am so blur throughout this sem.

Didn't really pay attention to most lectures and workshops.

Now, I am looking forward for the coming attachment cause after two days attachment, I'll be at home for 13days!!!!

Home sweet home I am coming!!!!!!!

Sometimes

Sometimes..

when you think you're the best

in fact

you're just a lil' better than the worst.

Sometimes..

when you think you're concerning

in fact

you're very irritating.

Sometimes..

when you pretend nothing happened

in fact

you're just making the condition worst.

Sometimes..

when you try to explain

in fact

you're just creating more misunderstand.

Sometimes..

when you do nothing

in fact

you're doing something stupid.

Huh..Nothing much u can do then. Let the time do everything for you. When it is the right time, no matter what you do, it still can be the solution. So just WAIT.

Guilty

I know I was wrong..

I was so so wrong!!

But I cant stop myself from thinking about that..

The feelings of being like or admire is so great~

that I can't deny that at certain moment my heart had betrayed you.

I'm Sorry!

I dare not tell you about this until now..

because I know myself does not deserve to be forgiven.

But I know you will hate me more if I deny it!

I am trying hard..

Fighting with myself..

Struggling..

But the more I struggle, the deeper I fall into this mistake..

That's I always wanted more and more from you..

cause the more you gave, the better I feel..

Better as in more secure.

Receiving from you is the only way that can bring me out from my mistake.

I am not here to blame you for not giving me more..

But myself of being so dependent on you.

I know I am stubborn..

Stubborn in such a way that

can make you hate me.

I'm sorry!

No matter whose fault..

You will always be the one that make the first move..

to apology.

That's what make you so special to me.

I know being pampered by you makes me worst..

But I love the way you pamper me..

Love the way you pamper me so much.

Letting you know..

how guilty I feel in these years

is the purpose of me writing this.

I never hope that you will forgive me

but I want to let you know that..

No matter how many times my heart had betrayed you..

It came back to you in the end.

I'm sorry for being such a..

Allow me to say BITCH.

I'm sorry!

I know no matter how I say,

it was still my fault..

I'm not trying to twist the fact..

And I know my apologies will not make you feel better cause..

As I always said, apologies will never heals a heart.

But I still have to say

I'm sorry!!